This chapter is all about diving deeper. Its led me to deciding love is all I want to offer. I’ve fought. I’ve defended. Ive offended. I’ve accumulated things and titles. I’ve denied myself and others of the highest level of love because love was a struggle. Love has been complicated. It has been a lot of red. It took me so many years, and hurts to realize love is not red hot but a cool shade of blue. Thank you Jada Pinkett Smith for this #gentlereminder
For those who don’t know cause I never want to assume. I have been on this self love, wellness spiritual journey for some time now. I didn’t realize it’s been all my life. I thought this started about 12yrs ago before I had my son Axis. But recently I’ve been reminded that when you’ve felt unloved and have had to fight for nearly everything you have you begin to have this woe is me mentality and think fighting is part of love. Being confrontational and comparing pain is love.
You begin thinking love through trauma is love and normalize it. But when get a taste of LOVE and it’s warmth or cooling off when that’s what you need you’re like oh shit I’ve had it all wrong.
Like too many conditions. Too many restrictions. Can’t make mistakes.
Referring back to my previous post about seeing oneself with the way God sees me/us. When you start looking at everything like that it’s totally blue and not red hot.
Source has blessed me immensely.
Self awareness can only be found from source energy. No matter how much you try to find it in relationships, friendships, in our children, our careers or things.
Love is a journey.
Love is letting someone just be who they are. Letting them find their way like you’re finding yours. Self love is saying what is me choosing this type of love say about me.
We’re all still learning and healing through a hurt, maybe a childhood trauma, learning and for those who choose to go deeper (daily) have choosing to recognize the depth and layers of our ego.
You/WE are not the exception. We’re not special. Laying the sword down is crucial. Especially for my fighters. Or the wait let me explain type of person. Not defending. Not commanding or forcing.
When you are seeking certain levels in understanding, in life conflict with present itself. It’s here to teach. Life is about learning. I’m learning it’s about accepting, it’s about being intentional and mindfully making choices.
So much to learn. So much to let go off and unpack. And only one source to surrender to. And the right answer is always LOVE.
Some questions that keep coming up for me and I’d love your feedback on is how has your definition of love impacted how you love and who you show up to be?
What is it now teaching you?