Happy New Year Beautiful People!!!

I must admit, I didn’t remember my word for 2021 until creating a post to share in my notes on January 1st, 2022 while creating my best of 2021 reel. 

It dawned on me that I went through an entire year and didn’t give this word that came to me and in a flash, 365 days later didn’t focus on that word but lived in the essence of expanding. I went from not knowing what I was doing after having one of the craziest years in 2020, to piece it all together. Went from saying YES in January to call of adding to my Women's Wellness umbrella and becoming a Full Spectrum Doula to getting not one BUT THREE scholarships. Birth, Postpartum & Lactation Counselor courses, training, exams are all paid in full.  This is the part of the story when you forget about the how’s and just stay the course. Doors begin to open. This of course still required me to work and stretch my thinking and unlearn what I thought I already knew, and adopt new ideas of what is. And know at any point these ideas can change as you begin to grow more. I was releasing any ideas of control and embracing change. In the birth world and my journey. This then led me to more deep-seated healing. 

I began to remember things, dreams, discussions from when I was young. Then people close to me began telling me things elders, and ancestors have said about me. All part of my story that continues to unfold. Things that were affirming to who I was becoming. Names I've never heard of before in my own family. 

I sought out healers, guides and dreams became visions and became reality. 

One thing that no one ever tells you is how lonely this journey can be when you are trying to be obedient to the calling over your life. No one tells you how your tribe can’t come with you when you’re healing, surrendering, being stretched, and can no longer associate to things that seemed so at home and familiar before.  

2021 we chipped at so many layers. We peeled back scabs and the tears flowed down like rivers and it hurt yet we were baptized by it. Allowing us to accept that this was all part of the beautiful process of truly being free and blooming. 

In 2021, my word was EXPANSION. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to quit, to stop, to fade to black but something within me kept me going, kept me aligned, and kept me grounded. 

On the 1st of January 2022, I was sitting in my momma's kitchen and I thought what’s my word for this year. I closed my eyes and I thought okay this may take some time. I’m going to need a moment to meditate and pray on this. Or so I thought because instantly the word ascension came to mind. 

I was like ascension? Why that word? I thought. 

I thought isn’t that blasphemy. You’ll have to understand, I grew up Catholic in a Haitian household. Went to Catholic school from Kindergarten to 8th grade, we went to church twice a week. Once with the school as a class and on Sundays. Summers, I was sent to my cousin's French-speaking Baptist summer camp. I thought about this powerful word and it’s a strong association to Christ ascending into Heaven after His Resurrection. 

as·cen·sion

The root of the word ascension derives from the Latin word ascendere, meaning "to mound, ascend, go up."

Definition of ascending

1a: rising or increasing to higher levels, values, or degrees

b: mounting or sloping upward

2: rising upward usually from a more or less flat base or point of attachment

Now I can go on and on breaking down this word. In no way shape or form does it simply it. But I get it. It makes total sense with the direction I am going and I said okay God, I receive that. I’ve been down, stayed quiet, been modest, and played small for far too long. I’ve waited my turn and admittedly remained a bit dormant. 

With that, Village we are continuing to expand, to take up space in a real way and we are now unapologetically ASCENDING and taking things to new levels. 

Asé…ahhh and so it is. 

So I ask you what’s your word? If you haven’t thought about it yet. Thats okay. Its not too late. Think on it. Meditate, pray and ask for guidance on your word. It may come to you right away or it may not. Don’t force, just listen closely.

May this year be great!! I’m wishing you all blessings on blessings on blessings

XO

This chapter is all about diving deeper. Its led me to deciding love is all I want to offer. I’ve fought. I’ve defended. Ive offended. I’ve accumulated things and titles. I’ve denied myself and others of the highest level of love because love was a struggle. Love has been complicated. It has been a lot of red. It took me so many years, and hurts to realize love is not red hot but a cool shade of blue. Thank you Jada Pinkett Smith for this #gentlereminder 

For those who don’t know cause I never want to assume. I have been on this self love, wellness spiritual journey for some time now. I didn’t realize it’s been all my life. I thought this started about 12yrs ago before I had my son Axis. But recently I’ve been reminded that when you’ve felt unloved and have had to fight for nearly everything you have you begin to have this woe is me mentality and think fighting is part of love. Being confrontational and comparing pain is love. 

You begin thinking love through trauma is love and normalize it. But when get a taste of LOVE and it’s warmth or cooling off when that’s what you need you’re like oh shit I’ve had it all wrong. 

Like too many conditions. Too many restrictions. Can’t make mistakes. 

Referring back to my previous post about seeing oneself with the way God sees me/us. When you start looking at everything like that it’s totally blue and not red hot. 

Source has blessed me immensely. 

Self awareness can only be found from source energy. No matter how much you try to find it in relationships, friendships, in our children, our careers or things. 

Love is a journey. 

Love is letting someone just be who they are. Letting them find their way like you’re finding yours. Self love is saying what is me choosing this type of love say about me.

We’re all still learning and healing through a hurt, maybe a childhood trauma, learning and for those who choose to go deeper (daily) have choosing to recognize the depth and layers of our ego. 

You/WE are not the exception. We’re not special. Laying the sword down is crucial. Especially for my fighters. Or the wait let me explain type of person. Not defending. Not commanding or forcing. 

When you are seeking certain levels in understanding, in life conflict with present itself. It’s here to teach. Life is about learning. I’m learning it’s about accepting, it’s about being intentional and mindfully making choices. 

So much to learn. So much to let go off and unpack. And only one source to surrender to. And the right answer is always LOVE. 

Some questions that keep coming up for me and I’d love your feedback on is how has your definition of love impacted how you love and who you show up to be? 

What is it now teaching you? 

There are certain things I wish I could do over. Being a better mother in the beginning is by far one of them. I became an instant mom as a bonus mom. Then less than 2yrs after I gave birth to our daughter. 

When I look back my kids got the rest of me. They did. After working in a fast paced stressful environment that I felt stifled in, where I felt I wasn’t growing in as a person. 

They (my kids) got what I had left which was the bare minimum. And no I wasn’t the worst but I wasn’t my best. That’s tough to share but looking back I can say that. Just as many women who are still trying to be THE BEST mom but always feel like they’re failing no matter what they do. I felt like so many people were judging me (oh and they were) watching me, heck I judged me. I compared myself to other moms. But what I should’ve been more focused on was ME. If I wanted to be better I should’ve focused on BETTERING ME. At all costs.

Queens YOU are your BEST investment. 

We can’t be better moms, wives, coaches, (insert your titles here) if we don’t focus on bettering the spirit of said person within first. Also if there are underlying things that need to be dealt with.

So I began focusing on bettering myself. 

Focused on my wellbeing. 

Focused on my perception of what mothering meant, why I thought I was falling short and how it correlated to who I am. I starting mommying the way I knew how. 

Instead of believing I didn’t measure up. I just showed up more. I put myself out there. Even when I knew I’d get hurt, fall short. I gave myself grace.

My family, my children began getting the best of me when I started BEING my best. 

I started being my BEST. When I started FEELING my best. I started feeling my best when I started going INWARD. Leaning INWARD. I began saying YES more to my well-being. 

I challenged everything I knew about me. More prayer. Spiritual fasts. I ate differently. I became more consistent in my workouts, my nutrition, what I watched, the books I read, the ENERGY I welcomed into my space.

It was a decision to go passed the surface level. To keep doing the work and stop searching outside of myself and knowing that whatever it is I wanted to be better at I could be but I had to be willing to do the work and be WILLING to go passed the surfaces and perceptions and the judgment and guilt. 

This made all the difference and allowed me to grow and make mistakes without being myself up about it. 

Above all else I had to realize my BEST would look different each and everyday and acknowledging that, honoring that has been so comforting and freeing and has allowed me to grow into and more towards my best mothering self. 

Now I don’t really GAF what anyone has to say, (not as much as I use to) or what anyone thinks. People will judge the crap out of you and still got a whole pile of stuff within their own lives and relationships that they need to focus on and remedy yet don’t. 

Everyone has their own work to do. Everyone.