This chapter is all about diving deeper. Its led me to deciding love is all I want to offer. I’ve fought. I’ve defended. Ive offended. I’ve accumulated things and titles. I’ve denied myself and others of the highest level of love because love was a struggle. Love has been complicated. It has been a lot of red. It took me so many years, and hurts to realize love is not red hot but a cool shade of blue. Thank you Jada Pinkett Smith for this #gentlereminder 

For those who don’t know cause I never want to assume. I have been on this self love, wellness spiritual journey for some time now. I didn’t realize it’s been all my life. I thought this started about 12yrs ago before I had my son Axis. But recently I’ve been reminded that when you’ve felt unloved and have had to fight for nearly everything you have you begin to have this woe is me mentality and think fighting is part of love. Being confrontational and comparing pain is love. 

You begin thinking love through trauma is love and normalize it. But when get a taste of LOVE and it’s warmth or cooling off when that’s what you need you’re like oh shit I’ve had it all wrong. 

Like too many conditions. Too many restrictions. Can’t make mistakes. 

Referring back to my previous post about seeing oneself with the way God sees me/us. When you start looking at everything like that it’s totally blue and not red hot. 

Source has blessed me immensely. 

Self awareness can only be found from source energy. No matter how much you try to find it in relationships, friendships, in our children, our careers or things. 

Love is a journey. 

Love is letting someone just be who they are. Letting them find their way like you’re finding yours. Self love is saying what is me choosing this type of love say about me.

We’re all still learning and healing through a hurt, maybe a childhood trauma, learning and for those who choose to go deeper (daily) have choosing to recognize the depth and layers of our ego. 

You/WE are not the exception. We’re not special. Laying the sword down is crucial. Especially for my fighters. Or the wait let me explain type of person. Not defending. Not commanding or forcing. 

When you are seeking certain levels in understanding, in life conflict with present itself. It’s here to teach. Life is about learning. I’m learning it’s about accepting, it’s about being intentional and mindfully making choices. 

So much to learn. So much to let go off and unpack. And only one source to surrender to. And the right answer is always LOVE. 

Some questions that keep coming up for me and I’d love your feedback on is how has your definition of love impacted how you love and who you show up to be? 

What is it now teaching you? 

Ever find yourself sitting in a crowd and begin to be unsure, compare yourself whether it’s beauty, body image or success of others. Yeah me neither, ok not true I definitely use to though. I use to struggle with myself and wonder if I belonged. But it’s a blessing to be able to stand in your power and your truth. To know who you are, welcome who you’re becoming and love yourself within the process.

The women looking out into tomorrow has now unleashed its worrier spirit. Not because I no longer have fear. Not because I have everything I need. Not because everything is the way I assumed it would be and not because I haven’t given up A LOT. But because I am now more present as ever. I know that everything I have I’ve earned. The things are still promised are still mine. Because being connected to divine and leaning in has allowed me to tap into my highest self and to attract and learn from others tapping into their highest self as well.

"The message that is being relayed to our children and family. We matter. As coaches we remind people that everyone matters. Everyone counts."

I have chosen to constantly and continuously vibrate higher. Not only on the days I choose to but on the days in which I doubt the unknown.
On the days I have to reread the word because I needed to hear my voice say it one more time. On the days I need clarity.
On the days I need the reminder to give the things that I love time to work! I love me so I’m giving me time. 

This coaching opportunity has given me time to level up. Its given my kids their mom back. Sometimes I feel like I can’t say back but given my kids the mom that I always knew I could be, a better mom than what I was, the mom I’ve always wanted to be. Because I’ve been allowed myself room to grow I give them room to grow, to think, to evolve.

Ask anyone who has completed a goal, overcome a self restricting battle i.e. fear of success. Overcoming it builds inner strength. It builds perseverance. It builds endurance to go onward. It builds you into the human you need to be. That doesn’t mean you don’t struggle. That doesn’t mean you don’t ever feel like giving up. It doesn’t mean that we don’t ever slip up or fail along the way. 

We don’t think about right now but the goodness that is ahead. The better health, the positive (or negative) report from the doctors office. The lowered cholesterol, the regulated blood pressure. The repaired relationship. Or letting go of the destructive ones that no longer serve the person you are transforming into.  The inner healing and outward strength. The new lease on living a life you can be proud of. The new eyes of empowerment and total positivity. The message that is being relayed to our children and family. We matter. As coaches we remind people that everyone matters. Everyone counts.

This journey has totally taught me to rely on hope and faith. Whether in ourselves or in the divine. It calls you to fall more deeply in self care in growing or in heightening our goals. To elevate and other others to do so as well. To walk in the room and no longer compare but to extend your hand to help, to share and invite others to tap into the possibility of vibrating higher.