“The sacredness and realization that “there is a breathe of life within my womb”. I wish I could’ve just skipped to this feeling. But it’s so much more powerful that I got through the stages.”

— Cathleen Benjamin

To my mommas maybe this may resonate with you. 

When I found out I was pregnant with Baby Moon 🌙 I went through stages what I call the 3 S’s. I went from being scared, to secretly knowing I had a blessing inside me, to understanding my blessing and holding it extremely sacred.  

S:1

If you’ve been following me I had a scare back in September. I had an unusual pain in my abdomen area. Had an event that morning and throughout the event kept noticing the pain get stronger and stronger. At one moment my husband looked my way and I put my head down cause I wanted him to continue his workout but next thing I knew he said let’s go we’re going to the ER. Something on my face must’ve gave it away. At this point I could barely walk to the car. Thought maybe it was something with my uterus. I knew eventually I wanted more children but something in me said this is it not going to happen. I thought all the worst thoughts and just kept crying on the way to the hospital in excruciating pain. That silent cry with tears just flowing. That day I never shared this with anyone except Kurt but spirit was w/ me. A healing mantra come to me and I silently repeated it with tears in my eyes. I felt an image in a white robe following me to the X-ray room as they wheeled me away from Kurt. They said it was kidney stones. To this day I never passed the stone. 

End of January I found out I was pregnant. I was like no way! There is no way. Immediately started freaking out frozen in fear. Like are we ready? We have so many “plans”. We just sold our condo and just moved. Physically I was immobilized. I had no motivation. Completely stopped doing anything business wise, no posts, no checkins w/ my team, friends. Everything stopped. Went in complete panic mode when no one was around. I stayed in bed for hrs crying, overthinking. I felt like I was walking on eggs shells in the beginning. The anxiety about carrying to term, about being ready (than) or again or oh shoot I prayed for this months ago, now I have this what do I do now set it and didn’t allow me to fully embody and enjoy the moment. The revelation that once again I’ve been blessed. I had my pastor pray for and over me because I was losing it. He said all the right things and that has kept me carried me through all the scary what if thoughts.  I had a talk with myself to snap the heck out of it. Than it took me back to that time in September and said God Im surrendering all my fears. Thank you 🙏🏾 

S:2 

Culturally being of Haitian descent you don’t share before the 2nd trimester. Which is technically the “safe zone” I waited until about 13/14wks because I wanted to enjoy this and hold it now that I was finding my groove again. My fears subsided. I was excited. I wanted to just hold this for me Kurt our kids and family. My favorite reaction was wow. As I was (am) wowed daily by the wonders, the grace, the miracle of carrying Baby Moon 🌙 wondering what is to come and til this day just wowed by how blessed we are because this was actually a manifestation. 

S:3 

The third “S” is magical. The sacredness and realization that “there is a breathe of life within my womb”. I wish I could’ve just skipped to this feeling. But it’s so much more powerful that I got through the stages. I have been put on an assignment to eat, drink, sleep take care of myself, my mind, my body prayerfully carrying to term another beautiful creation of God. In all its miraculousness, in all the great wonders of the world I have been granted the beautiful duty to add more light into this world.  I couldn’t be more happy, broke wide open yet guarded at the same time. What gift and assignment could be greater, more challenging, more rewarding than this. Jesus I can’t wait to hold Baby Moon 🌙

#EmpoweredbyCathy

📸: Kurt Benjamin

Every morning for years, I’ve I looked out this same window. I am a dreamer if you haven’t already noticed. I’d dream, I’d wonder, hope for more, sometimes I’d smile finish my thoughts and then go and start my day.

I can’t remember when I started looking out my old bedroom window but I do remember that I more often than not I really disliked what I saw for years. I judged everything. All I saw was the bad, the negative, the things that I didn’t like it reminded me of decisions that Ive made in the past that may have led me to where I found myself unhappy, left in discontent and wavering faith. It was really a reflection of where I was mentally and emotionally. 

It wasn’t until I really started to the work on me physically with my daily workouts, heightening my spiritual awareness. Getting to know ME and most importantly the Most High in a more intimate way. Going above and beyond with doing personal development which every business professional, wellness coach, human being should be incorporating into their daily practice. I started waking up earlier in the morning before the sun would rise and would watch the sky move. This was every morning after my prayer/meditation/ devotions. I’d watch the sun peek through the skies. And noticed how the sun brightened up my view. What changed? A different mindset. A different outlook. It was the same view. I chose to adjust my focus. It was mind blowing. Same view, same window, same place I called home. All along all I had to do was change what I chose to see. One of my prayers I asked was Lord I just want a home with a beautiful view. I’ve always had a view just needed a new set of eyes to view it with. To view things more through my soul.

With tears of joy I walked through our condo for the last time (alone) that we called home for years the sun once again came to shine on me. I felt a wave of emotions because in this very room I prayed, fasted, cried, created, nursed, made love and everything in between. My goodness I’m so blessed I thought. Blessed beyond belief.

Next chapter is about to be SO DOPE. On to new levels. Don’t be afraid to be great y’all! You deserve it!!! 

2018 has been A BEAST. 

Which created a BEAST of BELIEVERS!

2019 you ready? cause the BENJAMINS are!