There are certain things I wish I could do over. Being a better mother in the beginning is by far one of them. I became an instant mom as a bonus mom. Then less than 2yrs after I gave birth to our daughter. 

When I look back my kids got the rest of me. They did. After working in a fast paced stressful environment that I felt stifled in, where I felt I wasn’t growing in as a person. 

They (my kids) got what I had left which was the bare minimum. And no I wasn’t the worst but I wasn’t my best. That’s tough to share but looking back I can say that. Just as many women who are still trying to be THE BEST mom but always feel like they’re failing no matter what they do. I felt like so many people were judging me (oh and they were) watching me, heck I judged me. I compared myself to other moms. But what I should’ve been more focused on was ME. If I wanted to be better I should’ve focused on BETTERING ME. At all costs.

Queens YOU are your BEST investment. 

We can’t be better moms, wives, coaches, (insert your titles here) if we don’t focus on bettering the spirit of said person within first. Also if there are underlying things that need to be dealt with.

So I began focusing on bettering myself. 

Focused on my wellbeing. 

Focused on my perception of what mothering meant, why I thought I was falling short and how it correlated to who I am. I starting mommying the way I knew how. 

Instead of believing I didn’t measure up. I just showed up more. I put myself out there. Even when I knew I’d get hurt, fall short. I gave myself grace.

My family, my children began getting the best of me when I started BEING my best. 

I started being my BEST. When I started FEELING my best. I started feeling my best when I started going INWARD. Leaning INWARD. I began saying YES more to my well-being. 

I challenged everything I knew about me. More prayer. Spiritual fasts. I ate differently. I became more consistent in my workouts, my nutrition, what I watched, the books I read, the ENERGY I welcomed into my space.

It was a decision to go passed the surface level. To keep doing the work and stop searching outside of myself and knowing that whatever it is I wanted to be better at I could be but I had to be willing to do the work and be WILLING to go passed the surfaces and perceptions and the judgment and guilt. 

This made all the difference and allowed me to grow and make mistakes without being myself up about it. 

Above all else I had to realize my BEST would look different each and everyday and acknowledging that, honoring that has been so comforting and freeing and has allowed me to grow into and more towards my best mothering self. 

Now I don’t really GAF what anyone has to say, (not as much as I use to) or what anyone thinks. People will judge the crap out of you and still got a whole pile of stuff within their own lives and relationships that they need to focus on and remedy yet don’t. 

Everyone has their own work to do. Everyone.

Honestly I thought the first video I’d post of my daughter Journee would be one of immaculate lighting so you can see how intricately laid her edges are and how gorgeous her light and spirit is but I just catch these moments whenever they happen. Unrehearsed most times I’m in another room and hear her and see she’s with her baby sister. Or her baby as she calls her.  

All I can do is thank God. That’s all I can do. I was attempting to clean up the house. Folding laundry (still not done) Answering business emails. Been in my workout clothes hoped to get a workout in..hasn’t happened yet. Repotting my plants (cause that brings me joy even though I don’t know what I’m doing) and Aria☀️ was having a fit just crying. Journee literally walked through the door, changed her clothes (cause we don’t do the outside clothes business in this house 😂)  and picks her up and just sings her to soothe and calm her.  I was wiping down the counters and grabbed my phone to capture this. It was too good.  Blessed beyond belief. Blessed beyond these mom tears. 

Having a teenager is TOUGH. Being a mom period isn’t easy.  I want her to be her FULL self as a black Goddess in this sometimes cruel world.  To give her space to be herself and to speak up and often because again this world may only always want to hear what she has to say. Sometimes as a mom/ bonus mom I feel like I can never get it right. I chose to work from home almost two years ago cause I wanted to be more PRESENT.  I wanted to do a new thing as God was (is) working a new thing in me daily.  Not that I wasn’t present working in corporate America but those stresses were messing with my mental health. I wanted to be able to be accessible at a drop of a dime. Make every game, practice, awards dinner, midday event be home at a decent time and before we did it all over again the next day all the things I missed or had to go through hoops just to get time off to be there for my kids. Feeling like I had to choose.  

It was a hard decision to go from two solid incomes to 1 and new entrepreneur sometimes winging it, sometimes winning, sometimes over it!  I had to believe in myself and my reason why. You’re looking at two of my reasons before you!  

Sometimes people just don’t want to believe in themselves. They’re okay with not being ok because they’re so use to it or it’s all they know. It’s what they saw their momma do or the father or aunties and I didn’t want that for my kids or myself.  I want my kids to know working hard looks different for everyone. To make hard choices and take risks to never live a life with regrets. 

Everyday I wake up and thank God for a new day, ask for clarity, strength, courage and willingness to show up. To be a beckon of light. To be a word, confirmation, inspiration, motivation. 

An example not to settle, not to give up, to be a reflection of what by faith looks like. 

It may hurt 

There will be much discomfort 

I will move slower than usual 

I will heal

I am healing while it hurts 

I will feel unsure 

I will feel overwhelmed 

I will feel the feels of what was I thinking, how am I going to do this 

I am a good mom

Even when I feel frustrated 

I am just going through all the feelings of being a new mom and this new life

I am starting new 

Sometimes starting new or all over feels like the hardest time

But in a short time I will feel empowered

I will feel better 

I will feel stronger 

Each day that goes by 

I will feel like I have it together 

I will have it together 

I am not done

I am not finished 

I will ask for help when I need it 

I will need help and that’s okay 

I am not in this alone 

I am not burdening anyone 

If people aren’t offering it’s so hard to ask. If people aren’t checking in it’s so hard to reach out because you feel so isolated. Your body is still healing. You’re going through all the emotions, every inch of you is realigning to your new life, new normal, you might not be eating right or getting any sleep. 

Not all of us have a support system. I’m so thankful for my circle of mommas who checked in and shared resources with me.  That’s what community and sisterhood is all about and I felt it so much so when I needed it the most. The ones who dove into my inbox when u posted sos messages about how I was feeling like I was failing at breastfeeding. The momma who came to my house to assist with the latching of Baby Moon🌙 I’m forever grateful. The momma who gifted me lactation cookies simply because she saw a post of mine and noticed we lived near each other. The moms who dropped off food, my village who dropped off smoothies for me to make sure I was eating and fueling myself. My tribe who sent me / dropped off care packages. 

I wrote these affirmations because I needed it in October while Baby Moon 🌙 was about 5weeks old. I hope someone receives this message and it gives them a sense of hope and affirms them. ✨💛✨

2 month old Aria-Soleil

First of all pat yourself on the back! This ain’t easy. After healing from a c-section, this has to be the hardest and most rewarding part of the journey. Breastfeeding. It’s amazing to know that you are enough when it comes to providing nutrition for your baby. But it can also be very trying, tiring and frustrating. We all have different stories but one thing remains we want to know that baby’s getting enough. 

I had shared on both IG & Facebook that I was having some latching troubles I had in the beginning. A poor latch can really mess up your supply.  My village really swooped in and supported me. I also did much research and one day it just clicked. Baby girl latched with ease and no pain. I stopped stressing and pretty much let her do what her do her job. I also let go of the fear. Yes I was afraid of the pain that came with her latching once I let it go it went away.

Going from 1oz here and there in a 20-30min pump session to 5oz last month and now sometimes 8oz this month. I’ve definitely come a long way. Funny enough I knew I would. Was just really going through the motions and lets face it new moms go on emotional rollercoasters daily and sometimes don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel until we’re at the end of the tunnel.  I remember one day I was pumping while my husband was bottle feeding her breastmilk from the last of my small stash of breastmilk and while she was drinking one ounce I was racing to produce another ounce before she’d finish. Once she finished that 2nd ounce Im trying to race to pump another. It was a nightmare hearing her belt out hungry cries. It broke my heart. So that day after speaking to one of the nurses who took care of my baby who happen to find me on IG that same day. I ended up giving Baby Moon 🌙 formula because she was literally crying and screaming for food. I felt defeated and my nipples were so sore at one point cool and hot air hurt it.  So this is a real huge victory for me the stash that you see below.  While she only had formula for about a week or two and even then it was once or twice a day I still felt so guilty about it.  Not to shame moms who prefer formula but this was not my preference.  Not what I had planned for my baby.

So now I nurse when baby’s hungry. That can be every hr. Every 2-4hrs.  I pump while and in between feeds and have maintained this rhythm and plan to do so for as long as I have to.  I want to continue this stash for Baby Moon 🌙 and incorporate with her solids when the time comes.  

CAUTION: the holidays are here so stay away from peppermint. I’ve learned there are other things to stay clear of that will dry your milk ducts such as sage and of course alcoholic beverages. 

Here is a list of my go-tos with links for you to get what you need. These have helped me increase and keep a good milk supply. . Take a look at my lists on amazon to see some items not listed here that love and suggest.  Again these are suggestions that have worked for me and some of the moms I know who have shared some gems with me. So that are tried and tested. Please note that these suggestions are in no particular order.

1. Healthy balanced eating regime - Grains, oats, healthy fats, proteins, and leafy greens

2. I love my smoothies and shakes packed with vitamins, probiotics, adaptogens and all that good stuff my body needs (click on link to get yours)

3. Flax seeds

4. Sesame seeds

5. Lots of water! You’ll be thirsty all the time anyway so drink up!! 

6. Coconut water

7. Mothers Milk Tea - I didn’t love the fenugreek maple syrup smell at first but hey it’s worth it! 

8. Lactation cookies and treats.

9. Brewers Yeast supplement 

10. Nurse baby every 2hrs 

11. Pump other breast while nursing your baby #everydropcounts 

12. Should you choose not to pump while nursing you can hand express or place a bottle (haakaa) there to catch milk that lets down instead of wasting milk in breast pad

13. Pump breast RIGHT AFTER baby feeds for10-15 mins (I do up to 20mins) to signal to your body more milk is needed 

14. Power pumping 

15. Stay positive

16. Don’t give up

17. Try not to stress too much 

18. Try not to go more than 4 hrs without pumping / nursing

19. Dry brushing! Yes your boobs. Brush in a downward motion while nursing / pumping helps with let down. Thanks mommy for this one. She actually told me to use a comb but since I don’t have many in my home I thought to use my dry brush while pumping and it worked. 

20. Use a hot compress while pumping / nursing 

21. Pump right after a warm/hot shower 

22. Find support groups or Baby Cafes in your town (local or your delivering hospital should be able to provide you with a list) there are also groups on social media that are awesome 

YOU GOT THIS!!! 

And whether you nursed for a day, a month, 6months or a year. You are still your babys super hero. You’re doing a great job. 

Let me know if any of these have worked for you below in the comments.  Share with your mom community.  Takes a lot of pressure off when you have support.  This also builds your confidence. We mommas need all the help we can get from one another.  

xo,

Cat