“The sacredness and realization that “there is a breathe of life within my womb”. I wish I could’ve just skipped to this feeling. But it’s so much more powerful that I got through the stages.”

— Cathleen Benjamin

To my mommas maybe this may resonate with you. 

When I found out I was pregnant with Baby Moon 🌙 I went through stages what I call the 3 S’s. I went from being scared, to secretly knowing I had a blessing inside me, to understanding my blessing and holding it extremely sacred.  

S:1

If you’ve been following me I had a scare back in September. I had an unusual pain in my abdomen area. Had an event that morning and throughout the event kept noticing the pain get stronger and stronger. At one moment my husband looked my way and I put my head down cause I wanted him to continue his workout but next thing I knew he said let’s go we’re going to the ER. Something on my face must’ve gave it away. At this point I could barely walk to the car. Thought maybe it was something with my uterus. I knew eventually I wanted more children but something in me said this is it not going to happen. I thought all the worst thoughts and just kept crying on the way to the hospital in excruciating pain. That silent cry with tears just flowing. That day I never shared this with anyone except Kurt but spirit was w/ me. A healing mantra come to me and I silently repeated it with tears in my eyes. I felt an image in a white robe following me to the X-ray room as they wheeled me away from Kurt. They said it was kidney stones. To this day I never passed the stone. 

End of January I found out I was pregnant. I was like no way! There is no way. Immediately started freaking out frozen in fear. Like are we ready? We have so many “plans”. We just sold our condo and just moved. Physically I was immobilized. I had no motivation. Completely stopped doing anything business wise, no posts, no checkins w/ my team, friends. Everything stopped. Went in complete panic mode when no one was around. I stayed in bed for hrs crying, overthinking. I felt like I was walking on eggs shells in the beginning. The anxiety about carrying to term, about being ready (than) or again or oh shoot I prayed for this months ago, now I have this what do I do now set it and didn’t allow me to fully embody and enjoy the moment. The revelation that once again I’ve been blessed. I had my pastor pray for and over me because I was losing it. He said all the right things and that has kept me carried me through all the scary what if thoughts.  I had a talk with myself to snap the heck out of it. Than it took me back to that time in September and said God Im surrendering all my fears. Thank you 🙏🏾 

S:2 

Culturally being of Haitian descent you don’t share before the 2nd trimester. Which is technically the “safe zone” I waited until about 13/14wks because I wanted to enjoy this and hold it now that I was finding my groove again. My fears subsided. I was excited. I wanted to just hold this for me Kurt our kids and family. My favorite reaction was wow. As I was (am) wowed daily by the wonders, the grace, the miracle of carrying Baby Moon 🌙 wondering what is to come and til this day just wowed by how blessed we are because this was actually a manifestation. 

S:3 

The third “S” is magical. The sacredness and realization that “there is a breathe of life within my womb”. I wish I could’ve just skipped to this feeling. But it’s so much more powerful that I got through the stages. I have been put on an assignment to eat, drink, sleep take care of myself, my mind, my body prayerfully carrying to term another beautiful creation of God. In all its miraculousness, in all the great wonders of the world I have been granted the beautiful duty to add more light into this world.  I couldn’t be more happy, broke wide open yet guarded at the same time. What gift and assignment could be greater, more challenging, more rewarding than this. Jesus I can’t wait to hold Baby Moon 🌙

#EmpoweredbyCathy

📸: Kurt Benjamin

Happy Rising Beautiful People,

Realizing just how far you’ve come should be that motivation you need to keep going. What are some of the things you say to yourself that rejuvenates you? Maybe something your younger self, you at your low self need to hear? 

I did this exercise with a group of people and what I’ve learned is that we ALL have some stories within us that need healing. Some old stories that we carry into our adult lives.

Today,
I pray that you take what you need. 

I’m so proud of you. 

•••••

I love you. 

•••••

You are so beautiful.

••••

You’re doing a great job. 

••••

You are more than enough. 

••••

You’re so smart. 

••••

I’m so happy to see you. 

••••

You deserve more than this. 

••••

I’m sorry.

••••

I hope you accept my apology.

••••

I forgive you. 

••••

I’m here whenever you need me.

••••

I’m rooting for you. 

••••

It’s going to be okay don’t cry. 

••••

Crying is okay but you’ve cried enough.

For some of us these may be simple. 

For others this would’ve meant the world years ago and still very relevant now. 

Sis take what you need… My Brothers this is for you as well. 

For more affirming, please click play on the image below. Find a quiet place, close your eyes. play it whenever you need to hear the words. Namaste.

“I’m not afraid to say. I ALMOST talked myself out of it. But I suddenly realized that was a lie...a test rather. It was a voice that was so foreign to the person I am becoming that I shut it down with the quickness and proceeded. 

You see fear CAN still catapult the leap of faith.”

Earlier today I was asked how did I find the courage? Actually I’ve been asked this a number of times since my decision was made a reality in March to became my own boss and coach and mentor women on their wellness journey. To leave Corporate America then teach clients who work in executive/corporate positions how to find that work life balance.

What people don’t know is that for almost 8yrs I too couldn’t find that courage. 

I STRUGGLED with the idea of letting go.

Cried nearly every time I dropped off my kids to school because yet again I was leaving my dreams behind in a journal and having a notebook full of ideas, goals, affirmations and request books and not truly working towards them.

Faith without works is dead. In James 2:22 it says “You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did.”

I was wishing and hoping on a miracle and not really working in alignment with my faith and towards my assignment or life’s work. I had to put my faith to the test. I HAD to. But it was not easy. 

I’m not afraid to say it’s still not easy some days I have not come to grips with my decision because I rely on..well me for a paycheck. While there is a beautiful FREEDOM to it I’m put to the test every single day. Growth and rejection is painful and sometimes the people who need your help most reject you and you have to learn to let them hit rock bottom no matter how much you want to help them avoid that.

Luckily each day I find a word to keep me encouraged and my Fit Fam and my mentors and circle of sisters some of which I’ve gained while on this journey. Blessed as I am I keep people in my circle who are constantly challenging me and who I can bounce ideas off of but still I have to do the work.

I’m not afraid to say. I ALMOST talked myself out of it. But I suddenly realized that was a lie...a test rather. It was a voice that was so foreign to the person I am becoming that I shut it down with the quickness and proceeded. 

You see fear CAN still catapult the leap of faith.

While for so many years like myself it held onto my dreams I realized I was not that person anymore and that while the mind chatter crept up it had no strength over me and my faith in God and my faith in ME.

This is not even about being scared of quitting a job or about leaving a position or situation it is a story about starting over and how stifling that can feel.

I put every excuse in front of each dreams and goal like chess. There was always a great excuse or reason why this time wasn’t the right time. To think of it when I finally made the decision I could think of over a handful of times when there was a better time. Funny how that works.

But it was time. When it’s time you know. You ALREADY know.

On my last day of that chapter, I had so many talks with people who either asked the question when did you know OR I too had a dream to go into ______ add your dream here.

We all have dreams. We all have deterrents. We all have pros and cons and hurdles and obstacles but how long can we fight our true assignments or sit wondering what our calling or passions are if you don’t just take the chance.

This is MY story, what’s yours? Do you have a decision that you’ve been struggling with? What’s stopping you? What’s holding you back? What have you already overcome? When did you come to the realization that there has to be more than just....?