“I’m here to challenge processes by doing the work. Leaning into my spiritual beliefs, my culture, ready to share some beautiful traditions for the first 40 days and beyond. Because postpartum is forever. ”

— Cathleen Benjamin

Oct 2020 I declared that in 2021 I would become a doula. In January, I registered for a scholarship, which I ended up not getting. Then I saw a chance to win another scholarship for a virtual doula training which I really wanted to take and a cohort I thought I really wanted to be a part of. Again I didn’t get the scholarship. I thanked God for giving the scholarships to those who really needed them.  Perhaps they were more “ready” for this work than I.

End of February, another opportunity came up to register for yet another scholarship with another cohort. This time I heard back and the email read congratulations!! I would start 12 weeks of training only a few days later for a full-spectrum doula training. After completing the training in early June I registered and received another scholarship but this time for level 2 an Intensive Postpartum Doula Training. I’m so dang happy and excited about this. 

I told my husband he can now refer to me as a scholarship baddie. 😂 

In Sept 2020, I said to a friend that I was considering becoming an IBCLC providing lactation support. But after that day the doula idea weighed heavily on me.  It kept ringing in my ear. “You should do this.” I resisted it at first. I didn’t understand why I would be called to do this. But then I remembered why not? Why not Be what you needed or wish you had for someone else?

“So I fasted and called on my ancestors.”

So I fasted and I called on my ancestors.

FWD to 2019 I became fascinated with birth. I would watch births all day long. In total awe. Some made me shout and give God immediate praise. Others made me cry. 

I found myself watching them over and over. Holding my breath. Feeling all the feels while carrying Baby Moon 🌙 completely fascinated by it. I credited it to be pregnant. But this was not something I was able to do in the past or ever.

The first time I almost assisted birth was in 2006 with my godson. I walked in just to greet my cousin but I was asked to stay. Before I knew it I was holding the mother of his child’s legs apart and telling her to push. I didn’t get to see the entire birth as I only stopped in to say hello so btw contractions I made my way out to let other families go in to greet the soon-to-be parents.

With all my births I felt like I was alone. No one who looked like me, in my corner to advocate for me, who I could talk to about my fears, my excitement, my regrets without judgment. 

No one to help equip me with the knowledge that would make me feel empowered to give birth wherever I decided to give birth whether in a hospital, at home, or birthing center. I turned to mom groups but some of the things were toxic, very judgy, mean even and packed with stories of trauma so I chose to disengage for my own mental health.

When I had my first child I had a bout with postpartum depression and just went through the motions. I learned about how serious it could get watching The Oprah Winfrey Show back in 2005. 

With Baby Moon 🌙  at almost 25 wks, I changed my OBGYN. It was very clear that I wanted a black doctor because even if you lived under a rock you by now read a story about the soaring rates of black maternity mortality rates and those ideas began to surface for me. The explicit and implicit biases when treating black women. So I did what I knew I had to do. Also, I desired to have more options that the hospital would not give me. So we thought about home births, we settled on a beautiful birthing facility over 45mins out of town to get the birth we desired. Hubby wanted a lotus birth. I wanted a water birth. Dreamed of it we got all the things but at 36weeks 5 days found out Baby Moon 🌙 was breech transverse and that our plans may be derailed. 

This time I felt safe and cared for and felt like they listened to me and my concerns. Even when I scheduled my c-section there was so much compassion on the other end of the line when the office manager called me to schedule my cesarean birth. 

Before the office manager, my Dr called while on vacation with her family, on a Saturday morning and her voice was so soothing I broke down. I sobbed so hard and loud and she just listened when I got quiet she affirmed me and spoke life over me. I don’t know that many have stories that play out like this. 

I want to make my future clients feel SEEN, understood, supported, and empowered.

This is the most beautiful and most sacred work that I am walking ever so empowered into. 

Now also a full spectrum doula in training I will be specializing in the sacredness and forgotten part of birth which is postpartum healing. I’m here to be part of the change I wish to see. 

I’m here to challenge processes by doing the work. Interpersonal work. Leaning into my spiritual beliefs, my culture, and ready to share some beautiful traditions for the first 40 days and beyond. Because postpartum is forever.

Leaning on my ancestors HEAVILY for this world I’m entering.

My healing, transformative journey has unleashed a wellness warrior and advocate and I’m here to help empower support love on some birthing families. 

Allow me to continuously re-introduce myself as your wellness advocate, holistic wellness accountability coach, and now full spectrum doula (in training). 

ONWARD!!! Let’s Grow

There are certain things I wish I could do over. Being a better mother in the beginning is by far one of them. I became an instant mom as a bonus mom. Then less than 2yrs after I gave birth to our daughter. 

When I look back my kids got the rest of me. They did. After working in a fast paced stressful environment that I felt stifled in, where I felt I wasn’t growing in as a person. 

They (my kids) got what I had left which was the bare minimum. And no I wasn’t the worst but I wasn’t my best. That’s tough to share but looking back I can say that. Just as many women who are still trying to be THE BEST mom but always feel like they’re failing no matter what they do. I felt like so many people were judging me (oh and they were) watching me, heck I judged me. I compared myself to other moms. But what I should’ve been more focused on was ME. If I wanted to be better I should’ve focused on BETTERING ME. At all costs.

Queens YOU are your BEST investment. 

We can’t be better moms, wives, coaches, (insert your titles here) if we don’t focus on bettering the spirit of said person within first. Also if there are underlying things that need to be dealt with.

So I began focusing on bettering myself. 

Focused on my wellbeing. 

Focused on my perception of what mothering meant, why I thought I was falling short and how it correlated to who I am. I starting mommying the way I knew how. 

Instead of believing I didn’t measure up. I just showed up more. I put myself out there. Even when I knew I’d get hurt, fall short. I gave myself grace.

My family, my children began getting the best of me when I started BEING my best. 

I started being my BEST. When I started FEELING my best. I started feeling my best when I started going INWARD. Leaning INWARD. I began saying YES more to my well-being. 

I challenged everything I knew about me. More prayer. Spiritual fasts. I ate differently. I became more consistent in my workouts, my nutrition, what I watched, the books I read, the ENERGY I welcomed into my space.

It was a decision to go passed the surface level. To keep doing the work and stop searching outside of myself and knowing that whatever it is I wanted to be better at I could be but I had to be willing to do the work and be WILLING to go passed the surfaces and perceptions and the judgment and guilt. 

This made all the difference and allowed me to grow and make mistakes without being myself up about it. 

Above all else I had to realize my BEST would look different each and everyday and acknowledging that, honoring that has been so comforting and freeing and has allowed me to grow into and more towards my best mothering self. 

Now I don’t really GAF what anyone has to say, (not as much as I use to) or what anyone thinks. People will judge the crap out of you and still got a whole pile of stuff within their own lives and relationships that they need to focus on and remedy yet don’t. 

Everyone has their own work to do. Everyone.

I know many of you have heard me talk about me delaying my postpartum workout journey and it was partly due to suffering with sciatica nerve pain. Some days were unbearable sitting in one position for over an hr nursing Baby Moon 🌙. I was advised not to carry Baby Moon 🌙 in her car seat, limit carrying her all together when it got really bad, no standing for long periods of times and surely no sitting for extended period of times either.  Nursing Baby Moon 🌙 while sitting on my bed with my legs straight caused my right hip to be pushed out more than my left hip causing misalignment onto my sciatic nerve. 

Luckily I didn’t have shooting pain down my leg like some have experienced. But it started out with numbness in my leg. Than pain in my lower back so much so I wobbled or could barely walk. It was sort of embarrassing wobbling nearly 2mo after giving birth.

Today I’m sharing some things that gave me much relief. Along with going to my amazing chiropractors 1-2times weekly.  *before doing these stretches make sure you’ve heated or iced the area for 10-15mins* yup icing sounds insane but feels so good afterwards once the initial cold feeling let’s up. 

Once I started feeling better I started slow and did yoga for 3weeks which I shared and since I’ve been lifting, jumping, doing cardio now more than ever these stretches are necessary so I maintain mobility and don’t hurt myself in the process. 

1. Sciatic Nerve Glide 

2. Half Kneeling Hip Flexor Stretch

3. Half Kneeling Hip Flexor Stretch with Bilateral Reach

4. Kneeling Lunge Stretch

5. Hip Flexor Stretch on elbows (moderate) 

6. Hip Flexor Stretch with Arms Straight or cobra stretch (more advanced) Place a towel roll under thigh, just above your knees. *Place a towel roll under thigh, just above your knees.

7. Childs Pose 

8. Cat Cow Pose / Quadruped Hip Flexion Stretch

9. Figure 4 stretch or Piriformis Stretch - my favorite stretch 

Hope this helps. Sciatica pain is nothing to take lightly, I’m not a doctor just sharing my journey. *Please contact your dr for clearance* 

Honestly I thought the first video I’d post of my daughter Journee would be one of immaculate lighting so you can see how intricately laid her edges are and how gorgeous her light and spirit is but I just catch these moments whenever they happen. Unrehearsed most times I’m in another room and hear her and see she’s with her baby sister. Or her baby as she calls her.  

All I can do is thank God. That’s all I can do. I was attempting to clean up the house. Folding laundry (still not done) Answering business emails. Been in my workout clothes hoped to get a workout in..hasn’t happened yet. Repotting my plants (cause that brings me joy even though I don’t know what I’m doing) and Aria☀️ was having a fit just crying. Journee literally walked through the door, changed her clothes (cause we don’t do the outside clothes business in this house 😂)  and picks her up and just sings her to soothe and calm her.  I was wiping down the counters and grabbed my phone to capture this. It was too good.  Blessed beyond belief. Blessed beyond these mom tears. 

Having a teenager is TOUGH. Being a mom period isn’t easy.  I want her to be her FULL self as a black Goddess in this sometimes cruel world.  To give her space to be herself and to speak up and often because again this world may only always want to hear what she has to say. Sometimes as a mom/ bonus mom I feel like I can never get it right. I chose to work from home almost two years ago cause I wanted to be more PRESENT.  I wanted to do a new thing as God was (is) working a new thing in me daily.  Not that I wasn’t present working in corporate America but those stresses were messing with my mental health. I wanted to be able to be accessible at a drop of a dime. Make every game, practice, awards dinner, midday event be home at a decent time and before we did it all over again the next day all the things I missed or had to go through hoops just to get time off to be there for my kids. Feeling like I had to choose.  

It was a hard decision to go from two solid incomes to 1 and new entrepreneur sometimes winging it, sometimes winning, sometimes over it!  I had to believe in myself and my reason why. You’re looking at two of my reasons before you!  

Sometimes people just don’t want to believe in themselves. They’re okay with not being ok because they’re so use to it or it’s all they know. It’s what they saw their momma do or the father or aunties and I didn’t want that for my kids or myself.  I want my kids to know working hard looks different for everyone. To make hard choices and take risks to never live a life with regrets. 

Everyday I wake up and thank God for a new day, ask for clarity, strength, courage and willingness to show up. To be a beckon of light. To be a word, confirmation, inspiration, motivation. 

An example not to settle, not to give up, to be a reflection of what by faith looks like.