There are certain things I wish I could do over. Being a better mother in the beginning is by far one of them. I became an instant mom as a bonus mom. Then less than 2yrs after I gave birth to our daughter.
When I look back my kids got the rest of me. They did. After working in a fast paced stressful environment that I felt stifled in, where I felt I wasnโt growing in as a person.
They (my kids) got what I had left which was the bare minimum. And no I wasnโt the worst but I wasnโt my best. Thatโs tough to share but looking back I can say that. Just as many women who are still trying to be THE BEST mom but always feel like theyโre failing no matter what they do. I felt like so many people were judging me (oh and they were) watching me, heck I judged me. I compared myself to other moms. But what I shouldโve been more focused on was ME. If I wanted to be better I shouldโve focused on BETTERING ME. At all costs.
Queens YOU are your BEST investment.
We canโt be better moms, wives, coaches, (insert your titles here) if we donโt focus on bettering the spirit of said person within first. Also if there are underlying things that need to be dealt with.
So I began focusing on bettering myself.
Focused on my wellbeing.
Focused on my perception of what mothering meant, why I thought I was falling short and how it correlated to who I am. I starting mommying the way I knew how.
Instead of believing I didnโt measure up. I just showed up more. I put myself out there. Even when I knew Iโd get hurt, fall short. I gave myself grace.
My family, my children began getting the best of me when I started BEING my best.
I started being my BEST. When I started FEELING my best. I started feeling my best when I started going INWARD. Leaning INWARD. I began saying YES more to my well-being.
I challenged everything I knew about me. More prayer. Spiritual fasts. I ate differently. I became more consistent in my workouts, my nutrition, what I watched, the books I read, the ENERGY I welcomed into my space.
It was a decision to go passed the surface level. To keep doing the work and stop searching outside of myself and knowing that whatever it is I wanted to be better at I could be but I had to be willing to do the work and be WILLING to go passed the surfaces and perceptions and the judgment and guilt.
This made all the difference and allowed me to grow and make mistakes without being myself up about it.
Above all else I had to realize my BEST would look different each and everyday and acknowledging that, honoring that has been so comforting and freeing and has allowed me to grow into and more towards my best mothering self.
Now I donโt really GAF what anyone has to say, (not as much as I use to) or what anyone thinks. People will judge the crap out of you and still got a whole pile of stuff within their own lives and relationships that they need to focus on and remedy yet donโt.
Everyone has their own work to do. Everyone.
